Things I've realized while I'm sitting in Quito, Ecuador with the stomach flu.

First things first, the World's not fair and it never will be. However, that doesn't give any of us an excuse to sit around unaware of what's going on. Just because I can't fix everything, doesn't mean that I shouldn't try to do what's right. I tend to see things in black and white every once in a while, so when I realized that I couldn't fix all of these children's lives I became so upset and angry. However, if there's one thing I've learned here it's that a little bit of love goes a long way. Which bring me to my next point: God has filled the people of Ecuador with the most beautiful love I've ever seen. I see it in the innocent eyes of the children I'm working with. I feel it in the helping hands of the chefs and maids employed from the poorest area of town to give them a chance at life. I hear it in the words of Pancho and Pity, as they speak of their relationship with the Lord and all that he has done for them and leads them to do every day. I thought that I was coming here to change their lives, however in the end I'm the one being changed for good. These people have been the best living examples of Christians that I have ever met, whether they're aware of it or not. God asks one thing of us: To share the love he's covered us in. Before coming to Ecuador, I thought I was doing a pretty good job of it. Now I know that I'm nowhere near where I need and want to be. Thirdly, God doesn't put us in uncomfortable situations to make us feel uncomfortable or upset. He puts us there for a divine reason. Because coming to Ecuador was my first experience traveling outside of the country, I had no idea what to expect. When I arrived, everything hit me at once; the styles of the apartments, the tiny crammed stores, the amount of trafic, the language barrier, how much I miss my parents, friends, and Matthew, just the different way of living in general. What I would have given for a night in my own bed, a movie party with friends, or a trip to the local mall. Simply put, everything here is different. It took me a while to realize that it's not bad. Neither of us are doing this whole 'living' thing wrong, its just different...and that's beautiful. At first I wanted to get on the next flight home, but after I gave Ecuador a chance I've realized that I hope to spend a large portion of my life here. I would love to teach here, live here, make new friends here, grow up here, have a family here...the whole 9 yards. I've gone from my close-minded 'American' outlook on the World, to realizing that God has more in store for me than just two short weeks in Ecuador. Which brings me to my next point: I haven't been listening to God at all. I think Addison Road puts it best when they say:

I made You promises a thousand times

I tried to hear from Heaven

But I talked the whole time

I think I made You too small

I never feared You at all No

If You touched my face would I know You?

Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You

Who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood

But the shore along Your ocean?

Are You fire? Are You fury?

Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?

What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out

I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about

How You were mighty to save

Those were only empty words on a page

Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be

The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

Being here has made me realize that even though I think I listen to God, I usually follow my own heart instead of His perfect will for me. Especially the past year. I feel like I interpreted my freshman year of college as a year to do what I wanted for once. To chose a major that I thought would be fun, to talk to the people I wanted to befriend, to wake up when I wanted, to skip class when I wanted, to miss out on awesome God-filled opportunities to do things that I wanted instead. I've asked so much of God in this past year. "Lord, help me and show me your plan for me," has been a consistent line in my daily prayers for the past year. As much as I thought I was listening, I was doing the opposite. I was running from God. I was plugging my ears when he shouted things at me. Ecuador has shown me that I need to be vulnerable. I need to take the chances that God puts before me. I need to talk less, and listen more.

That's all for today. Like I said, I'm pretty sick. But God wouldn't give me anything I can't handle, especially while I'm here doing his work in Ecuador.

God bless you :)

-nicole